if I could

highland meadows by c e ayr

if I could

if I could live my life
again
there are so many things
I’d try to do
differently

like spend less time
chasing rainbows
and more
just holding you

like stop
searching vast Highland meadows
for a unicorn to ride
and wandering round Scalpsie Bay
seeking mermaids
to dance with

I’d try to be with you
loving the one person
I should always have loved
instead of letting you slip
through my fingers
like golden sand
from the far-off beaches
of St Tropez

if I could live my life
again
there are so many things
I’d try to do
differently

but the truth is
I did try
and even if I lived a thousand lives
I doubt I’d ever change

*** Click here to hear the poet read his words:
https://ceayr.com/2022/04/17/if-i-could/

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the future

copyright c e ayr


the future


today is the end
of all that we were
of all that we promised
ourselves
and each other

you thought I was perfect
for you
you said
but you said it
in the past tense
and not the present
so
today is the end
of the future

*** Click here to hear the poet read his words:
https://ceayr.com/2022/04/10/the-future/

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when I think

artwork by carolina sartor

when I think

when I think of you
I remember your hair
untamed
tumbling across my pillow
so that
while you sleep
I breathe the scent
of the Mistral
dancing in the curls

when I think of you
I remember your eyes
sparkling
telling me everything I want
so that
I hear a love song
by Leonard Cohen
perhaps
Death of a Ladies’ Man
in their dark light

when I think of you
I remember your smile
radiant
promising moon and stars
so that
when you laugh
I see mermaids frolic
off the beach at Bonporteau
just to be near you

when I think of you
I feel sad
that my memories
of those wonderful years
are so very vague

** Click here to hear the poet read his words:
https://ceayr.com/2022/03/28/when-i-think/

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poetry

artwork by phil burns

poetry

people ask why
I write poetry
and I say
I don’t think
I do

I just write words
in an attempt
often futile
to make sense of things
like
the world
my life
other people
and me

and sometimes
what I write
turns out to be
more like a poem
than a story

why
I can’t say
it isn’t always planned
I don’t necessarily know
what it is
when I start
or even
when I finish

so I try
not to analyse it
in case
it stops

** To hear the poet read his words click here:

https://ceayr.com/2022/03/20/poetry/

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love

artwork by phil burns

love

first love
is exactly that
the first time ever
anyone has loved
like you do

forget
Romeo and Juliet
Anthony and Cleopatra
even Homer and Marge
this is the real thing

and when it ends
so does the world

last love
is very different
you know
it’s been done before
by you
and everyone else
and
you also know
that when it ends
the world will spin on
with burning indifference

but
it is in its own way
infinitely sadder
because
you are now old enough
to know
that it will never
come again
that you won’t ever
feel your heart
leap and race
out of control
at the touch
the sight
even the thought
of that special someone
the one who will
forever
be your
last love


* Click here to hear the poet read his words:
https://ceayr.com/2022/03/13/love/

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high plateau

copyright c e ayr

high plateau

I was happy on the high plateau
where the sun shone every day
in a blue and cloudless sky
and there were wild flowers and butterflies
and rabbits and birds that sweetly sang
and I knew
I had found Paradise

then one day I saw the mountain
and I was enchanted by its possibilities
so I started to climb
and the views grew ever more beautiful
until I reached the top
from where I could see the whole world
magnificent beyond words

my senses reeled
and I was afraid
when I saw beneath me
a gigantic chasm
deeper and darker than death
and I yearned
for the high plateau

Click here to hear the poet read his words:
https://ceayr.com/2022/03/06/high-plateau/

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a song

copyright c e ayr

a song

I used to sing
a song to you
it was full of happy words
and you’d join in the chorus
while I la lad the jaunty tune

the words you loved
were all my own
though I stole the melody
from Lenny
who you called Mr Cohen
with a smile
and a knowing wink

you told me
you were a mermaid
so the lyrics danced and splashed
and your voice was like a rainbow
as it caressed
the last refrain

I no longer sing
that song to you
and the words are sad as time
there’s no one to join the chorus
while I la la the lonely tune

* Click here to hear the poet read his words:
https://ceayr.com/2022/02/27/a-song/

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you were here

artwork by phil burns

you were here

you were here
long ago

I remember
how I worshipped you
and you hurt me
so many times
before you left

you were here
once again

so I did everything you asked
and more
trying to anticipate
your wants and needs
trying to make you happy
trying
and failing dismally
to make you love me

life is so much easier
without you here

but I see you sometimes in the street
and the ache returns
the longing resurfaces
until I recall
your casual indifference
to my constant pain
your cruel rejection
of my love
your crushing
of my spirit
and

I wish
you were here

To hear the poet read his words:
https://ceayr.com/2022/02/13/you-were-here/

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clementine

listening to the sea

clementine

sitting on the sand
listening to the sea
looking at the sky
eating a clementine
wishing

thinking of the past
contemplating the now
dreaming of the future
wishing

remembering your smile
missing your embrace
longing for your touch
aching at your loss
regretting oh so much
wishing

wishing things were different
wishing you were here
wishing you’d come back
just wishing


Click here to hear the poet read his words:
https://ceayr.com/2022/02/06/clementine/

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open arms

artwork by phil burns

open arms

the first time you left
I waited
and when you came back
I opened my arms
and said
I love you

and every time
since then
when you’ve gone
without a word
and returned
with no explanation
I’ve opened my arms
and said
I love you

the last time
while you were away
I thought about us
and how I could change things
but when you came back
I opened my arms
and said
I love you

because
maybe this time
you’ll stay

Click here to here the poet read his words:
https://ceayr.com/2022/01/30/open-arms/

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