A Beginner’s Guide to Parler Scottish

AnElephantCant help considering
That you foreign dudes miss lots and lots
Of his witticisms
That’s no criticism
But he thinks he will teach you all to speak Scots

This is specifically directed at the non-Us
As he likes to describe his US friends
You cannot spell aluminium
Colour humour no u in them
So he explains it slowly so you know so youse ken

Some expressions are simply offensive
Resulting in more tears than smiles
See you Humpty Dumpty
Yir jist a pure numpty
Pump ma oxter or Jist sook ma piles

We have a million and one words for dirty
Some of them would turn your spleen green
Like boggin’ and clingin’
And clatty and mingin’
But we only have one word for clean

We say that’s fair ripping my knitting
Which means Gosh that rather upset me
For very good we say rerr
Good fun’s a rerr terr
Gie’s hauners means kindly aid and abet me

Maw, paw and the weans make a family
A pretty lady may well be a stoatir
Or a b-b-b-brammer
If you have a stammer
And you can gi’e her a hurl in the motor

Now you may think that you need a glossary
Or none of this will make any sense
You are quite correct
So send in a cheque
For at least 1 pound and 65 pence

This entry was posted in Daft Rhymes, humour, Scottish Stuff, funny and serious and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to A Beginner’s Guide to Parler Scottish

  1. Francina says:

    We might not always understand you fellows, you are right. I have noticed that when I visited Scotland 🙂 However the language sounds very lovely in my Dutch ears. .
    enjoyed the read.
    Ciao, Francina


  2. This was truly delightful! Perhaps it’s just as well that some of us haven’t understood it all. 🙂


  3. LuAnn says:

    As soon as I read the title today, I thought AnElephant is going to be speaking in a language I don’t understand. I’m not sure of the meaning of one of the lines and probably safer if I keep it that way! 🙂


  4. mixedupmeme says:

    “We have a million and one words for dirty”

    meme just loves it when anelephantcant talks dirty.

    (I can’t believe I said that.)


  5. That was a right belter, Elephant! Pure, dead brilliant, so it wis.

    I’m not ready to tell you to haud yer weesht yet…

    Need to go take ma shoes off though, because my feet are pure bouffin’.

    Cheerio the now xx


  6. Alastair says:

    AnElephant has reminded me of a conversation I listened to once. My uncle had come to visit from Dundee with his wife, and they were talking to my dad. So as a result, my dad’s accent went full broad and it was amusing trying to grab even a word until my uncle said “and so’s oil but that’s crude” at which point they burst out laughing, and the rest of us were looking on blinking and wondering what just happened. LOL

    I am proud to have an Ode to a Haggis on my wall though 😉


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