Insomnia – Alastair’s Photo Fiction

AnElephantCant think clearly this morning
There may be something quite wrong with his head
But he feels sure at a pinch
He can meet Alastair’s Challenge
Or perhaps he should just have stayed in his bed

Copyright Alastair Forbes

Copyright Alastair Forbes

He has always thought it a curse.
Until tonight.
He came to the café almost two hours ago, just after 4 a.m.
He has been watching her ever since.
She is lovely.
She has a gentle smile for everyone she serves.
The louder customers she deflects with ease and charm.
She never appears flustered.
She lifts empty cups from empty tables.
She looks straight at him.
She smiles her gentle smile.
Is that a twinkle in her eye?
She must have someone in her life.
She is far too special to be alone.
A man has appeared behind the counter
She disappears behind the curtain and re-emerges with her coat on.
She smiles at him as she goes out the door.
He is right behind, calling to her as she crosses the road.
She turns and so gently, so sweetly, so invitingly, smiles again just before the fatal impact.

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31 Responses to Insomnia – Alastair’s Photo Fiction

  1. Pingback: Photo Fiction: Sunday 05th May 2013 – Sunday Photo Fiction

  2. emmylgant says:

    You set this one up so gently it hit me like a Mack truck! Nice work.


  3. adinparadise says:

    What a twist in the tail. 😦 Can’t you rewrite the ending? 🙂


  4. So sad. Glad there was someone to watch over her those final hours so she didn’t die alone.


  5. RoSy says:

    A great story – but – oh so sad 😦


  6. Penny L Howe says:

    He really needs to get more sleep! 🙂


  7. nightlake says:

    oh no.. since you said fatal, that’s it.. expected a sweet story, but unexpected ending


  8. Ankita says:

    Oh. The last line had such ‘impact’, to use your word. Very nicely built up. It was entirely unexpected.


  9. colonialist says:

    Hmmph. She’s too nice to bump off. I choose to think the insomniac got a permanent cure.


  10. EagleAye says:

    Oh man, you broke my heart with that one. That just goes to show you built the story up very well. Great story.


  11. julespaige says:

    ….And then he scoops her up, while waiting for the medics…just maybe, just maybe she was only stunned… As we all were reading the last lines!!!

    Always a ‘kicker’ there Elephant…Well done.


  12. Sarah Ann says:

    Well, that last line will wake anyone up. A very touching tale. Enjoyed it, until you that impact.


  13. Pingback: Sunday 05th May 2013 | Alastair's Photo Fiction

  14. Alastair says:

    Excellent story with an ending that made me go “awwwwwww”
    Love this. Such a sad ending to it


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