Your Call is Important to Us

Don’t call us by Phil Burns

AnElephantCant stand automated switchboards
Perhaps he is getting hard of hearing
They say Please press one
He says this is no fun
He finds it a pain in the rear end

He remembers when he speaks to a person
He does not have to dictate his thoughts
He just has a chat
About this and that
Now it’s a computer that does not speak Scots

An irritating voice gives him twenty-six options
By the eleventh he forgets the first
And four menus later
This procrastinator
Makes AnElephant feel like he’s in reverse

But some calls he persists with for ages
He knows that it must end in sorrow
But he perseveres
Until the dread words he hears
We’ve gone home can you call back tomorrow

He perhaps wants to go to the theatre
Or maybe he queries a bill
He can’t get a seat
He admits defeat
He just pays up because he starts to feel ill

He devises a brilliant solution
He comes up with this all on his own
Why don’t they get a grip
Toss the ubiquitous chip
And hire AnElephant to answer the phone