A Scottish Diet – This’ll Kill You!

A Boy and AnElephant indulge themselves

AnElephantCant really deny it
We Scots have the world’s worst diet
Nothing we eat
Whether chocolate or meat
Tastes quite right unless we deep fry it

Our staple grub is haggis and neeps*
Which we don’t export so you should be grateful
We love pie and beans
Eat tons of ice cream
And shovel down mince and tatties* by the plateful

AnElephant once courts a young lady
Takes her out for a nice meal of course
He orders a salad
She says this romance is invalid
I don’t want to marry a sheep or a horse

A Scot does not care if he’s threatened
If you start any fight he can win it
But if you take his sausages
And hold them as hostages
He will surrender in less than a minute

He eats anything that is based on sugar
Munches swedgers that is candy to you
Biscuits* and cake
And his thirst he must slake
Not with Coke Zero but gallons of Irn Bru*

Mummy Elephant makes soups and stews weekly
The ingredients are random and mixed
He protests in vain
Like a fairground Ghost Train
He never knows what scary thing comes next

Now each nation has its own culture
And everyone eats what he must
AnElephant stays slim
Though he is full to the brim
By guzzling his own body weight in peanuts

Neeps – Turnip
Tatties – Potatoes
Biscuit – Cookies
Irn Bru – Scotland’s other national drink
Interestingly, or otherwise, carbonated soft drinks are called lemonade (regardless of flavour), ginger, scoosh,  and about a million other things

And do you realise AnElephant does an entire piece about food in Scotland without mentioning porridge!