How Not to Speak Foreign – AnElephant’s Guide

UnElephant Français par Phil Burns

UnElephant Français par Phil Burns

AnElephantCant teach you to speak foreign
You are better to get Berlitz to do that
He gives you some hints
Not as many as vingt (20, okay?)
So you are not as dumb as a chien or a cat

It isn’t actually all that hard to speak French
AnElephant has learned nearly seven words he says proudly
As a general rule
It is best to stay cool
You don’t have to flap your arms around or speak loudly

There is a reason he thinks it is easily mastered
He explains this to you quite ingenuently1
It is really a breeze
There are enfants he sees
Aged two or three years who speak it quite fluently

Now AnElephant’s accent is sensational
He tramples over the language quite blindly
He luckily runs out of breath
Before his audience goes deaf
He is fortunate that the folk ici treat him so kindly

If the locals ever begin to understand him
They realise his approach to French grammar is abhorrent
His words are invented1
He is otherly talented
He is a mastodon and he is évidemment foreign

AnElephant approaches the end of his lesson
He teaches 19 things or perhaps one or two fewer
But nod your head and say oui
Smile a pleasant merci
You see la vie is good and you always have a bonjour*

*Bonjour –French
G’day mate – Australian
How y’all doing today – American
What ho old bean – English
Howzitgaun pal – Scottish

This entry was posted in Daft Rhymes, france, humour and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to How Not to Speak Foreign – AnElephant’s Guide

  1. RoSy says:

    Yo sólo entiendo Inglés y Español. El resto es extranjero para mí – ja ja 😉


  2. emmylgant says:

    Oui Oui,
    Tu as tout compris!
    Et je dis cela en toute sincerité
    sans iningenuité
    Hi hi hi!


  3. Thank you for another delightful post. Merci beau coup, Monsieur Elelphant qui ne pouve pas! 🙂


  4. Alastair says:

    AnElephant brought babck many memories
    At school I was very good at French
    But since then it has all gone
    Fluttered like a papillon
    So I’ll just sit quietly on the bench


  5. Anja says:

    I just adore the French language. It is so romantic…no matter what they are saying to you. I never learned it formally but through others. ha I can throw down some English, Cherokee and German.
    Your post was tre magnifique…..


  6. high five and raspberries says:

    * hey* ( Canadian ) Not to worry..although I am fluent in Quebec french I am sure les amis in Paris would not understand a thing I say!


  7. beingnenne says:

    Having grown up in India where there are so my languages, I picked up 3 subconsciously. So that’s English and three other Indian languages. But lately, thanks to Dora, I’ve picked up a handful of Spanish, much like any mum who has been forced to sacrifice her sanity in front of Dora. Also my son has begun picking up French from his play school. His teachers tell me, he understands it pretty well and so I think I should pick up some basics too so that nothing is lost in translation.

    Great post btw. 🙂


  8. summerstommy2 says:

    I find being orstralian that English is a challenge in itself. I admire anyone who can speak more than one language. Good post sir anelephant.


  9. howanxious says:

    I started learning French. I had memorized all the basic phrases, Bonjour, Silvousplait, Au Revoir and many others and even learnt numerals till 100. But when it came to verbs, I freaked out. I had merely learnt two or three of them and my tutor wanted me to frame sentences. I couldn’t and I eventually quarreled with her because she was quite impatient and thereby my french learning experience had come to an end. 🙂


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