AnElephantCant Be A Mere Cat

AnElephantCant be a Possum by Phil Burns

AnElephantCant see in the dark
There is a very good reason for that
Though he eats lots of carrots
And very few parrots
He can’t purr or have whiskers or the night sight of a cat

AnElephantCant sit up and beg
He can of course lift a twig or a stick or a log
But he can’t woof or yap
Or sit on your lap
Because he is not as Man’s Best Friendly as a dog

AnElephantCant canter or gallop
He can’t leap hedges or fences at a major race course
He won’t put on a saddle
Or with 600 go to battle
You can’t dry your clothes on him because he is not a horse

AnElephantCant eat grass and corn and drink rainwater
He prefers his breakfast croissant with fresh orange juice
He doesn’t come from the Bronx
He almost never honks
He doesn’t have a bill and feathers so he is clearly not a goose

AnElephantCant be as expensive as a Guinea Pig
Although he is known to sometimes disappear down a rat hole when he shouldn’t
He does not like Meeces
He hates them to pieces
He isn’t a squirrel or a jerboa or a chipmunk or any other kind of rodent

AnElephantCant pretend he’s a magpie or a tiger
He is not easily confused with a platypus or a bunny
He doesn’t look like a monkey
Although he occasionally acts like a donkey
But AnElephant is continually hilariously unbelievably side-splittingly laugh-inducingly roll-about-on-the-flooringly jolly funny

AnElephantCant be a Pigeon by Phil Burns