Soccer Squawker Knocker Shocker

Soccer Elephant by Phil Burns

AnElephantCant say he’s much good at soccer
But there is no one but himself he can blame
When he sees it in TV
He always gets kinda queasy
He considers it a totally ridiculous game

He watches a host of superbly fit young athletes
More than 20 or so at a very rough count
But if anyone breathes
Not so much as a sneeze
About half of them collapse writhing in agony on the ground

They appear to be in paroxysms of anguish
AnElephant summonses doctors and swift stretcher bearers
But jings tout de suite
They are back on their feet
These guys are better actors than Bobby de Niro

If AnElephant plays he thinks he’s a goal-scoring striker
Or perhaps he can be resolutely defending
If a chap who is fast
Decides to run past
AnElephant is just liable to delicately upend him

He reckons he is an unbeatable goalkeeper
If the ball is in the air no one can beat him in the jump
No matter how high
Even the tallest tall guy
Can never come close to out-leaping AnElephant’s trunk

But this is not really what he plans or aspires to
He always has a preference for rumbustious rucking at rugger
But when things get too rough
He quickly says enough
AnElephant is now training to be a world-class hugger