Redemption – Sunday Photo Fiction

AnElephantCant see through this window
It is leaded and high on the wall
Although he’s excited
He is quite short-sighted
And in addition he is not very tall

This is a weekly invitation to write a short piece of fiction (c. 150 words) based on a photo prompt (below) provided by Alastair.
Follow the link to see the testaments of a confidently competitive congregation.
But please first read AnElephant’s peremptory parable.

Copyright Al Forbes

Copyright Al Forbes


The weak winter sunlight creates vaguely coloured beams as it struggles through the stained glass window.
I sit with bowed head, hands clasped, the bottle of redemption held tightly between them.
I pray to a God I no longer believe in.
My mind drifts back …..

I see her crossing Sauchiehall Street, the pedestrianised section, and my heart lights up.
She is my best friend, my flatmate.
We are twin sisters, everyone says, look-alikes who share a soul.
I hurry after her, almost ready to call out, but she is walking with unusual purpose.
Then I see him, my Al, outside Henderson the Jeweller.
He smiles widely, happy to see her.
She throws her arms around his neck.
I walk into a large woman with an umbrella, who mutters something rude.
Regaining my balance, I see them disappear into the shop.
I approach carefully and peek through the window.
They are looking at rings.
I knew it.
I should never have trusted them, she is so pretty, and he is such a swine!
I go sadly home and prepare myself.
They arrive much later, barely able to conceal their excitement.
Until they drink the coffee.
The card in her dead hand says ‘Congratulations, Sis, you two make the perfect couple’.
The ring is inscribed with my name.

I abandon my prayer and raise the bottle to my lips.

This entry was posted in Daft Rhymes, Other Fiction and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Redemption – Sunday Photo Fiction

  1. Great story. So great that I’m glad I read it after I wrote mine or you would think I took my idea from you.


  2. RoSy says:

    Sisterly love…


  3. Absolute perfection dear Brian 🙂


  4. bigrab says:

    Aye. Very good…..


  5. emmylgant says:

    Assumption leads to perdition. Great tale, so well done.
    Ces histoires horribles sont vraiment bien construites et tu me surprends toujours a la fin.


  6. Danny James says:

    This was great!



  7. julespaige says:

    When we are quick to judge, we create our own life’s smudge.
    Excellent my friend.


  8. helenmidgley says:

    So much atmosphere in such a short piece, great twist 🙂


  9. colonialist says:

    Another really happy ending!
    Very well done – the final twist is very good … or bad …


  10. babso2you says:

    Wow! Was not expecting that ending! Good job AnElephantCant! Turns out AnElephantCan!


  11. high five and raspberries says:

    Oh Jealousy is such an ugly thing. BTW..I shall NOT be stopping in for coffee..


  12. Brenda says:

    Wonderful story, Elephant! Must have been some dinner. 🙂


  13. Al says:

    Jealousy strikes the wrong end again. A great story.


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