Gruesome Ghouls and Ghastly Ghosties – Scottish Hallowe’en

Ghouls n Ghosties by Phil Burns

AnElephantCant contain his excitement
As the end of October draws near
His wee brain fair itches
As he thinks about witches
It is far and away the scariest night of the year

Aye Hallowe’en is a night of fear-filled frolics and fun
As long as you ca’ canny*
You might see a de’il
Or a bogle for real
If you keek in each impenetrably dark nook and cranny

Some traditions last forever and ever
Some changes we find quite surprising
In the US it’s neat
To say trick or treat
But in Scotland for the past 500 years we call it guising

There’s ay laughter and games for the children
With treacle scones hung on a loosely-strung string
Just mind your thrapple
When dookin’ for apples
In case a wild wean wi’ a sharp-pronged fork takes a swing

And everyone carves out a lacklustre lantern
We use torpid turnips but some folk use pumpkins
We may be old fashioned
But please show compassion
AnElephant should not be casually confused with a near-extinct country bumpkin

Now though it’s all modern and commercialised
We a’ continue to do things we’re no’ supposed tae
It’s still the nerve-numbing night
That causes face-freezing fright
When we walk wi’ all sorts of gruesome ghouls and ghastly ghosties

Hallowe’en is the annual haunt of the bogeyman
He frightens the bravest bairns out of their hat-disguised heads
He has never been seen
But does that really just mean
He is hiding patiently but perniciously poised under AnElephant’s bed?

*Glossary of Terms:
Aye – yes
ca’ canny – take care
bogle – a bad thing, a spectre, a goblin
keek – look
ay – always
thrapple – throat, windpipe
dookin’ – ducking, trying to capture from a large basin or bath
wean – bairn, child
tae – to
bogeyman – boogeyman (USA), very bad (hopefully) imaginary person