Splintered Thoughts on Winter Sports

Winter Sports by Phil Burns

AnElephantCant take part in Winter Sports
Although some ladies outfits do look rather nice
But what his complaint here is
They look rather dangerous
AnElephantCant skate on thin ice

Ski jumping is the craziest activity
Of this there is clearly no doubting
Does a chap wake up one day
Look around him and say
I think I’ll go leap off the side of a mountain

Downhill skiing can also be painful
Though less suicidal than that one maniacal high leap
But it does seem at least
You are quite close to the piste
So when you prang you probably end up in just one big heap

Cross-country skiing looks too much like hard work
Although Scandinavians travel miles with no fuss
AnElephant says no way
He moves far too slowly
If he wants to go that far he prefers to hop on a bus

AnElephantCant even spell tobogganing
He has palpitations at the thought of bobsleighing
His bum is too huge
To fit on a luge
And when he is steering a sled it just refuses to obey him

Ice Dancing is too graceful for a pachyderm
Ice Hockey looks scarily dire
So when things start to freeze
He stifles a sneeze
And wraps up with a cup of hot chocolate in front of a roaring log fire