European in the Dark Here

The Rare European Elephant by Phil Burns

AnElephantCant deny he’s a strange dude
Who runs this daft blog as a sideline
This beau European
Siempre agreeing
Considers linguistics as merely a guideline

A fluent speaker of what he calls Eurinal
Employing words from each modern language
His casual translation
And interpretation
Cause confusion and no little anguish

AnElephantCant speak very good German
When he greets you it sounds like a sneeze
When he’s in Deutschland
With phrase book in hand
He says Ich spreche nur Schottisch*

AnElephantCant converse in Italian
He just doesn’t find it so easy
He feels quite at home
In Milan or Rome
But says Parlo solo Scozzese*

AnElephantCant pronounce Chinese Mandarin
He can’t get his tongue to do tricks
Confucius say Why
Not give it a try?
But he can’t even eat with chopsticks

AnElephantCant be charming in Spanish
There’s no way he is smelling like roses
In Madrid or Tenerife
He just grits his teeth
Saying lo siento hablo solamente Escocés*

AnElephantCant parle the old Francais
Though he has been there more often than Rothesay
He has mastered one phrase
This Elephant says
Ooh la la Je ne parle qu’Ecossais*

So AnElephantCant claim he’s a linguist
He can’t even claim that he’s clever
But please rest assured
Whene’er he’s abroad
He can trumpet Bonnie Scotland For Ever!

*I speak only Scottish