Tip of the Gratuitous Iceberg


AnElephantCant calculate 15%
Which is the guideline for a waiter’s gratuity
But he looks on the bright sight
Never errs on the tight side
Realises he has material for a brilliant new ditty

In Scotland we rarely tip bar staff
It is just not the way that we function
We may buy them a drink
So that’s fair you might think
But we often leave nothing without any compunction

This is a significant difference in culture
And not to do with our legendary meanness
We don’t give them 10 bob
Just for doing their job
Even if they perform with sweet smiles and great keenness

But when we buy food it’s a whole different story
We then tip according to service
Up to 20 per cent
But open to dissent
Because we need to be convinced they deserve us

In the US the percentage is awkward
Though AnElephant is a university taught toff
So 10 per cent is a laugh
Then you divide it in half
And add that to the first number you thought of

The staff of course calculate like computers
Their impatience indicates it’s not funny
AnElephant uses his nose
To count on his toes
He is concerned about squandering his money

The solution you may feel is quite obvious
AnElephant just feels like a klutz
Without any doubt
He should stop eating out
And stay home with a big bag of peanuts

This entry was posted in Daft Rhymes, humour and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Tip of the Gratuitous Iceberg

  1. emmylgant says:

    In America waiters are not paid a minimum wage
    Which is $5.15 an hour in Georgia,
    8.00 in California,
    and undetermined in Louisiana.
    So to keep themselves in forage,
    Waiters look for a good tipper,
    which keeps them chipper.
    In Florida,$3 is a waitress’ base pay.
    That is mean, wouldn’t you say?
    Since this is the way in America,
    AnElephant is kind and right
    not to err on the tight side.


  2. mixedupmeme says:

    Meme just opened up a new cafe
    Where it is she will not say
    A dishwasher she’s in need
    AnElephantCant she will feed
    But no peanuts just Texas hay


  3. What a bladdy quandary
    but now we all can see
    that tipping is all at sea
    life now nothing is free
    a person who is waiting
    or one into drinks making
    those that style your hair
    car washing with fair care
    beauty we get from a spa
    all the services today are
    doing a fully paid for job
    want tips from your last bob


  4. pennycoho says:

    Anelephantcan’t be less confused than many of us here in the USA. Congratulations, I think your way is the smart way to go, whether tipping or eating peanuts! 🙂


  5. Alastair says:

    I love the way that AnElephant works out the 15%
    He definitely doesn’t seem like a Scot
    Who are supposed to be rude
    Very tight and extremely crude
    Which means the stories are mostly just rot


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